Toronto gives up

And to think, back in the warblogger days we called the French “surrender monkeys." So how close, then, is Montreal to Toronto, eh?

Toronto Cops Tell Citizens to Leave Car Keys Where Thieves Can Get Them
It has been said that Canadians are extremely polite, which, I suppose, is a good thing in the aggregate. On the other hand, one can be polite to the point that one surpasses "doormat" status, skips "victim," and goes straight to "statistic." The current statistics for auto theft in Toronto are not encouraging, but to be honest, not much news out of Canada is encouraging these days.

With car thefts hitting 25% in Toronto, police there have come up with a novel idea to address the problem. Authorities are advising citizens to leave their car keys by the door to increase the ease of access for home invaders looking to boost a car. Why not just leave the debit and credit cards and a birth certificate with the keys? Maybe even add a hunting rifle and a box of shells? How about the bank account numbers and a list of passwords? I mean, if one is going to be victimized by crime, why not just make it easier for everyone across the board?

Lest you think I am joking, The Drive reports that Toronto Police Service Constable Marco Ricciardi told Toronto residents, “To prevent the possibility of being attacked in your home, leave your [key] fobs at your front door because they're breaking into your home to steal your car. They don't want anything else."

Right.

If you are not eager to donate your vehicle to the local crime ring, the Toronto police are happy to give you a free doorstop to help keep criminals from kicking in your front door. No, seriously. The cops in Toronto are handing out doorstops.

The Drive notes that some people are leaving their cars unlocked with a note so that the thieves do not break the windows. Why not add a casserole and an Amazon gift card while you're at it?

Actually, back when I lived in NYC (early to mid 90s, that was) a hand-lettered "No radio" sign was pretty much de rigeur on automobile dashboards there—so common were they, in fact, that my innocent North Carolina-boy eyes didn't find them jarring after no more than a cpl-three weeks. How very far we’ve fallen since that halcyon Giuliani era, and not just in NYC, either.

As for Toronto…well, they’re just downright pathetic, far as I’m concerned. So much so, in fact, that they appear to consider this “fighting back” by comparison.

A few hearty citizens are not taking the problem lying down:

…one Honda CR-V owner has installed two alarm systems, a tracking device, four (4) Apple AirTags, keeps the key fob in a signal-jamming Faraday bag, and has two motion-sensitive floodlights pointed at his modest suburban driveway. When parked, there are also parking boot-style wheel locks on every wheel, a steering wheel club, and even a bollard in the driveway to keep it from being driven away.

All of that is just so the man can park the car in his own driveway.

I repeat: pathetic. My own inclination would be to camp out by my car with a large-bore pistol (at the very, very least) clearly visible on my person every night, until all the would-be thieves in my neighborhood had gotten the message. After that, I’d cut back to maybe once or twice a week—always on random nights, never the same week to week.

Bring a lawn chair, some snacks, a cooler of soft drinks, maybe. Be sure to brandish the gat in a decidedly threatening manner whilst uttering a low, gravel-voiced snarl every time one of the cocksuckers even looked at me funny. Make the situation crystal clear to all and sundry: don’t start none, won’t be none. But as the Pilgrims liked to say:

Bless their stout, dauntless hearts.